One of the hardest parts of this entire project so far has been production so far. I say this because having to film myself while also being the main actor is actual hell for me. I didn’t realize how stressful that whole experience would be at first, but it quickly became very frustrating and overwhelming for me. Trying to focus on my performance while also worrying about camera angles, framing, lighting and whether everything looked right made the whole process of trying to film three simple scenes extremely mentally exhausting.
At a certain point, it completely drained my motivation. I kept overthinking every take asking myself how I can make a scene look perfect and just being really hard on myself, which made filming feel more stressful than it should have been. I wanted everything to look as perfect as possible, I ended up putting a lot of pressure on myself, and that made it difficult to continue filming for a while. Especially since filming a single shot was taking over 30 minutes and I have over 70 in the entire two minutes that will be my film opening.
When I finally went back and watched the footage later, I realized that I had been too much in my own head. (The irony of the situation, I know. I write about a character whose whole issue is exactly that and now it has become mine too.) The clips I thought were bad or needed to be reshot were actually good, and in many cases, the first takes were the strongest and most natural. I didn’t need to redo everything the way I thought I did at the moment.
This experience taught me a lot about how perfectionism can affect creativity and motivation, which really resonated with me especially since it's the main topic of my film opening and I got to experience it first hand while filming. Looking back, I learned that trusting myself and not overanalyzing every detail is really important. Moving forward, I want to be more confident in my work and remind myself that not everything has to be perfect to be effective.
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